(I have decided to first write about how to create a safe space of observation before writing about the gradual process of self-love because creating a safe space of observation makes is easier to work on the gradual process of self-love.)
In order to be able to love ourselves unconditionally, we must first be able to know and understand ourselves. In order for us to know and understand ourselves, we must be able to look inward, ask question and be very honest. But it’s not always easy to be honest with ourselves. So to make the process more comfortable, it is important to first create a safe space of observation before looking inward.
This safe space of observation is created by promising ourselves that we will look inward with ONLY kindness and compassion for those moments. We are not allowed to be critical, judgmental or condemning. We are to look at the facts of our life as a neutral observer. The reason for this is because if we looked inward with a critical eye we would feel judged and then as we felt judged, we would become self-defensive. And then the self-defensiveness would shut us down and not allow us to see our truth. But kindness and compassion allows us to be open and honest…as honest as we are ready and capable of being at that time.
For example: If you want to ask yourself the question “what is beneath this anger I feel?” You would first create a safe space of observation by promising yourself that when you think about this question for the next few minutes, you will have the attitude of only kindness and gentleness and not of critical judgment. Your focus will be on gathering the facts and seeing the truth rather than seeing yourself as a bad or weak person.