MY PHILOSOPHY:
     I believe wholeness is a spiritual state of existence in which we embrace all aspects of our self with love, appreciation and honor. As we claim and unite our shadowed and limited self with our illuminated self we see our illuminated self as our moments of clarity, our shadowed self as our moments of learning potential and our limitations as opportunities to practice self compassion.

INSPIRATION TO PAINT:
    As I review my journey into painting healing art I see the steps clearly that brought me to a place of creating. But, believe me, at the time it took place and before, I felt little rhyme or reason. In fact, I felt great darkness before its birth. 
     I was born in 1963, and I have always been a sensitive person. Too sensitive it seemed for me for it rendered me useless and overwhelmed most of the time. As a teenager I developed panic attacks after contracting the Epstein Barr virus. (I didn't know then that viruses can cause stress to the adrenal glands causing an onset of adrenal surges which can develope into panic attacks.)  I was very ashamed of my "weakness" and I viewed my sensitivity as a negative. 
    Many years later I came up with the “enlightened” idea that if I was going to be "crazy" like an artist I might as well reap the benefits of an artist’s soul and begin to create something special. It sounds simple enough but that moment was truly a magical infusion of many different life experiences and observations falling into place. 
    Some of those accumulated moments of living that prepared me for artistry are as follows:
1. I was always a creative person. As a child I drew with pencils and crayons and I practiced drawing still life in my high school art classes. I loved crafts too. In my twenties I painted five or six times but more often than not I was uninspired to finish what I had started.
 

2. I gained some artistic confidence through the years by working at a sign shop and a cookie decorating shop in my early thirties. And before those jobs I made signs by hand, while employed at a fitness center that read with such inspired verbiage as “This way to the bathroom”.

3. Besides confidence, I also needed inspiration. Art more often bored me than attracted  me. But inspiration and desire to paint further developed when I saw the art of a local Chinese painter. He painted such lovely and unique women that I saw how beautiful art could be.

4. Then I discovered "Southwest Art" magazine. This magazine further inspired me for its artists used such bright and alive colors. I knew from observing the featured art that if I ever painted, I would use bright and alive colors as well.

5. Having gained experience, confidence, and  inspiration one thing that still lacked was  Permission to be an artist. And on the day that I allowed myself to create since I was already “crazy” was the day I gave myself permission to be an artist. 

 6. The only thing now left to decide was "What do I paint?" Time went by. In 1996, I had been sick for a year and lost touch with all my friends. I also had been studying spiritual thought. Then a new friend, Celia, appeared in my life. She cared and offered advice because she too had been sick for a long time. This so touched my heart that I saw the vision of two women touching each other's hearts. And that is where the inspiration to paint my first painting "Hearts Touching" came from. 
While painting "Hearts Touching" I was told by "Heaven" that I was to paint more and one day share my art with others. 
Each painting that I painted I felt assisted by "Heaven" and so when it came time to show publicly my art, I was confident because I knew that Heaven did as much of the work as I did. The images that I painted were usually the emotional state in which I was in or desired to be in. So sometimes I painted the clouds that seemed before my eyes blocking my vision of truth or sometimes I painted the peace in which I craved. Each painting was a way for my spirit to speak and to give me peace and hope for a better day.
 I encourage all who read this to examine and explore what artistic expression draws you closer and  to allow your spirit to speak through that creative process be it photography, music, dance, painting, sculpting, collage, gardening, decorating, directing, writing, etc.

And I would love to hear from you as you embark, continue or reflect on your journey of artistic expression for healing.
 
 

(10/04/03)